Sunday, March 1, 2009
13 more weeks of baby growing to go.
It's been a weird pregnancy, one uneventful as far as the pregnancy goes but filled with personal turmoil for completely unrelated reasons.
As I near my due date, I've been thinking lately how unfocused I've been on the little girl growing inside of me. It's so different this time than when I was pregnant before. With Rye, every second of every day I was consumed with the fact I was pregnant with a capital P. Only once - when the small newsroom I was working in at the time was focused on breaking a huge story - do I remember forgetting I was pregnant. And even then, it was probably only for a few hours.
This time, though, it's been sort of an afterthought, and I don't mean that to sound as bad as it probably sounds. There's just so much else going on. Am I thrilled to be having a little girl? Absolutely. I never really thought when I pictured how my life would go that any of what's happening now would be happening. But I never thought four years ago even - when I was at about this stage of my pregnancy with Rye - that I'd ever do this whole baby-growing thing again. That I'd ever be lucky enough to get to be mommy to a little girl.
What will she be like, this girl of mine? I try to think of it, but it's almost impossible for me to imagine a child any different than the one I already have. I think about how hard it's going to be to have a baby again (God, it's terrifying really), and I second-guess my decision to have another one. But then I think maybe she'll eat better than Rye, maybe she'll sleep better, maybe we won't have any issues. Maybe she won't cry as much.
That'd be nice.
But I know - without even trying that hard - that things will be hard and that every single second will be worth it. Just like it was last time.
"This, too, shall pass," was my mantra, I think, last time, during those first six or seven months. Will I have to remind myself of that again? Probably.
Will I be OK? Yeah.
Will we all come out the other side safe and sound? I sure hope so.
I have another ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow. I'm nearly 28 weeks along. Seeing the baby again - in the midst of a long, extra-cold winter - is something to look forward to, for sure.