Not that long ago, I was a lifeguard.
That meant I wore swimsuits just about every day, all day, for three months straight.
I recall not minding doing this. I wasn't that self conscious, and it was nice to not have to worry about wearing real clothes in the hot, humid Nebraska summers.
Now, though, is a different story.
Yes, I've had a child so my stomach will never be the same. But still. I feel the anxiety is worse this year than ever before.
Is this just what happens the closer we get to 30?
I went to Scheel's the other night because they had running shorts on sale. I found the shorts and decided to look at the swimsuits as well. I've never been interested in wearing a skimpy bikini. Rather, I've always liked the more athletic suits, and you can't really find athletic suits at Target. So I thought I'd look.
And I was excited when I saw that Scheel's had one-piece Tyr suits on sale for $20. That's a great buy.
So I picked out four and I tried them on.
Horrible. I hated just about everything.
I went home and dug out the scale from the back of my closet.
I weigh the same as I did last summer.
I also am in pretty good shape -- I just ran a half marathon and felt pretty great doing it --and I eat relatively well (though, yes, I still eat ice cream at least twice a week and also made chocolate chip cookies, which I ate my fair share of, last week). But I don't eat meat or white bread or even drink much pop. We have a stir fry -- rice and vegetables, people! -- at least twice a week. I'm also making a concerted effort to drink a lot of water.
So what freaking gives?
I'm actually considering -- I never thought I'd say this -- wearing some kind of swim shorts this summer over my swimsuit.
So far, my 28th year of life has been ALL about feeling like an adult.
I suppose next I'll have to stop shopping in the juniors section.