Hard seasons

I didn't even know I still had this blog. I'm 43 years old now. Rye is 17 1/2. The last time I posted here was 2011. Rye was 6. 

I think I'll start again. 

I'm a teacher now. Or I was. I am. Sort of. I work at an alternative school in the district; it offers blended online and in-person classes for kids who for whatever reason didn't find success in their traditional neighborhood school. Today is day two for me. I'm in charge of the learning lab, which basically just means I offer support to the students who come in here to work. Before this, I taught English at the high school where Rye attended and where Paige will go. I loved being a part of that staff in that building. But I quit, see, at semester because I thought we needed to move back to Omaha. I got a great job doing public relations for a former colleague of mine at a well-respected institution. There were some perks like health insurance and tuition reimbursement and two days/week at home. But I never really wanted to leave teaching. I cried every day over winter break about not seeing my students anymore. When I changed my mind and my family decided to stay here, in Fruita, I tried to explain to my former bosses what happened, what it's like to be me in my brain and my heart and all of the things, that I was so sorry I'd left, that I'd messed up, that could I please do something in the building again, anything. They said they would keep me in mind in the future. Yesterday, I learned they'd filled the cross country coaching position that I'd also resigned in December and had reapplied for three weeks later without even calling me as a courtesy to let me know they'd gone another direction. Not a call. Not an interview. I did a good job with that team in all of the ways. It's very, very hurtful, yet I know it's all my doing. In the meantime, I'm certainly grateful to be in this learning lab, in this new school, for at least this semester, which is all they know they have the grant funding for. I feel like I am constantly beginning again. 

Rye graduated early in December. He will participate in the ceremony in May. It's the day before his 18th birthday. He has been accepted to several colleges. All he says right now to people who ask is that he will go to college. I hope he stays here and goes to CMU.

Paige is 13 and in 8th grade and struggles going to school. We got her a therapy cat two weeks ago who is dying of Feline Infectious Peritonitis. The cat has a neurological form of the disease and can basically no longer walk. It's all very terrible.

Lila is 8. She likes art and baby dolls and watching YouTube on her iPad. Today and yesterday, she is/was home sick with a stuff nose, headache and fever. 

I want to visit my dad this summer. He moved back to Sheboygan. I also want to go to San Diego. We might not have the money. We never have the money for even our monthly expenses. But I still want to go.

Got to figure this out.   

Cue the next chapter

Change is the challenge we all face in this life.

How we respond says a lot about our character.

I'll no longer be blogging here or at momaha.com.

But I'm thrilled with my new site. Please follow me there - singlemomwithlove.com.

I'll be writing there, on close to a daily basis.

I hope to see you!

Much love.

Veronica

It'll change your life

Today's Daily Truth is chilling. All of the text that follows is copyright Brave Girls Club:.


Dear Nurturing Girl,

It is often said that a good way to treat others that we love is to imagine that it is our last day with them...or our last day alive. But what if we tried instead, to live as though it is our VERY FIRST DAY with them?

Try to live this day as though it is the first time you have ever seen your child, or the love of your life, or your parents...or your beautiful friends. Look at them from head to toe...see them for what they are and who they are...look around at all that they are doing, and who they have become......work hard to make sure they know exactly how you feel about them. Work hard to be someone that they might want to have in their life.

After time has passed...we so often forget to see things that would normally leave us in awe. Things that are beautiful and miraculous and a complete gift in our lives are all but overlooked because we see them day after day. TODAY decide that it is the first day of your life...and walk into your life to see all of the gifts that are there for you. See your first glass of water, your first sunrise, hear your first song, see those freckles on the face of that little boy you love for the first time....notice the way someone shows their love for you...like it’s the first time.

We work so hard to go go go. Let’s stop today and see what is here already...what we don’t have to go anywhere to see. Let’s try to start seeing things that would blow our minds and touch our hearts and bring us to tears if we were paying attention....or if it were the first time it ever happened...or the first time we ever met.

Life is so beautiful, so full, so miraculous.

Welcome to the first day of your life!

xoxo

Being really honest

What’s the one thing you’d change about yourself if you could?

(Yes, only one. Come on. You do not have 10 things that need to be different).

Mine is knowing when to shut up, or knowing when to not say something that I didn’t think much about before I said it.

Because sometimes when we say things, they end up meaning that much more to the person who heard them.

And then they’re really hard to take back. And when I didn’t mean what I said in the way it was received in the first place, well, then, it always make me think: a. Why are you so honest? and b. Why don’t you think before you speak?

And then there’s nothing I can do.

I know I said only one, but the second thing I would change is how much I worry about things. Little things become huge if left to ruminate in my mind, and then, yes, I slowly drive myself insane…

And the third thing I would change is how much I care about the little things.

This life is tough sometimes, right?

I know. Chill out. Only worry about what I can control. Live in the moment. Yada yada. I know.

But still.

Tell me I’m not alone. Your less-than-desirable trait, please?
This post originally appeared on momaha.com.

Dear gorgeous girl,

(Today's Brave Girls Club Daily Truth is too perfect not to share):

Dear Gorgeous Girl,

Think hard, lovely you, about something that worried you 5 years ago...something that worried you day and night and night and day.....something that you weren’t quite sure that you could ever make it through, and that certainly you did not feel you had the tools to make it through at that time.

Yet, here you are, a brave soul...having made it 5 years down the path of your life, and somehow it all worked out...somehow you made it. It might even be so that you have stopped thinking about whatever that worry was until this very moment....because it seems so many lifetimes ago. You may even be giggling thinking about all of the time and energy that you spend worrying about that problem, because in hind sight, it seems so small now.

This is the way it is, dear friend. We waste so much time worrying. We worry and we worry and we worry.....yet, we have made it to today somehow. Can we give life more than that? Can we just try to TRUST that things will be ok, because they always have been...because here we are today, breathing in and out....perfect proof that we will be ok tomorrow too.

Let’s not waste any more time worrying. It IS going to work out...it is going to work out beautifully when all is said and done. It may be longer than we had hoped, and it mayb be in a different way than what we thought was best...but along the way there will be too many gifts of knowledge, learning and miracles to count that will get us through....it’s just the way things work.

Today is a great day to decide that enough is enough...no more worrying.
Life is a beautiful ride. Let’s enjoy it.

You are loved beyond measure.
xoxo

(Entire post copyright Brave Girls Club - if you haven't checked them out yet, do so!)

Doing it all over

If you could do it over, would you?

If you could go back and change your mind, choose a different path, would you?

Do you ever think about that?



I know none of us would trade our children — not for anything, not for millions of dollars or a home on the beach or a perfect-all-the-time husband. Of course, not.

But what if we could go back to that boy we dated in high school and choose … not to date him. Choose to instead have more girlfriends or spend more Friday nights getting to know our parents … or getting to know ourselves. Reading more books, watching more classic films, starting a scrapbooking club or a bible study group or … anything else.

What if we could go back to that moment in college where we had to bite the bullet and pick a major? Would you still choose journalism? Or would you go that other route you’ve always wondered about, you know, that pre-med route?

What if your parents hadn’t split up? What if you’d stayed with your dad instead? Would you have the same friends, the same kids? Would you have married the same guy? (The uncomfortable answer to these questions is no.)

But we all take the life path we do for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. People come into our lives at the exact time they’re meant to, and then later, some of them leave. We make the choices we do for a reason. We deal with the fall-out from some of those choices because we have to. But every day we get a new day. This world keeps turning, no matter what we do.

I think our challenge – my challenge, at least – is believing this is all how it’s meant to turn out and being patient with the changes, with the bends in the road, without knowing the final destination.

This post originally appeared at momaha.com.

Brave girls

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Here was the daily truth today:

"One of the paradoxes of life is that sometimes the very best decisions have the most difficult consequences. And sometimes what is best is not what we want most. And sometimes when we want to feel peace, we have to do something that feels painful first. Sometimes, we have to do such hard things, and there's absolutely no other way.

"You can do it, though ... you know what is the right thing to do.. you know for sure in your gut and deep in your heart and a million signs have led you to what you are supposed to do. It still feels so scary, so difficult and so impossible, even for a very brave girl.

"Just know that most of the best things in life come after making the most difficult choices and doing the hardest things and taking the biggest risks.

"You really can do this ... and miracles are going to happen when you do."